The Metaphors of Dr. Gregory House

1. An MRI

Foreman: We inject gadolinium into a vein. It distributes itself throughout your brain and acts as a contrast material for the magnetic resonance imager.

Chase: Basically, whatever’s in your head lights up like a Christmas tree.

2. Bad News

Movement disorder or degenerative brain disease? Either way, this kid’s gonna be picking up his diploma in diapers and a wheelchair.

3. An Electroencephalography

Get him an EEG. If this thing wants to talk, let’s listen.

4. The Immune System

Infections are the criminals; the immune system’s the police.

5. The Liver

The liver is like a cruise ship taking in water. As it starts to sink, it sends out an SOS. Only instead of radio waves, it uses enzymes. The more enzymes in the blood, the worse the liver is. But once the ship has sunk, there’s no more SOS. You think the liver’s fine, but it’s already at the bottom of the sea.

6. The Digestive Tract

99.9% of “Christians” have so much acid in their stomach they become churning cauldrons of death for all those nasty brucellosis bugs. But you were taking antacids for your acid reflux, so that turns your digestive tract into a pleasant scenic river for all those bacterial tourists.

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