20 Masterfully Punny Tweets That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

1. I’m writing a movie about horses with attitude. Its name: Straight Outta Clomptown

2. “You have to look at the big picture.” —Aggressive museum guard

3. *Submits manuscript to publisher.*

“Sir, is this a drawing of two pie charts having sex?”

“No, it’s a draft of my new graph-fuck novel.”

4. Headline about Chris Rock’s divorce:

Rock’s Papers Scissor Union

5. What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of the Lord of the Rings?

6. It was the busta rhymes, it was the wursta rhymes.

7. And good Jovi to you, sir.

8. “What should we call this thing in the ocean that is land?”

“How about island?”

“Seems too obvious.”

“What if we pronounced it weird?”


9. Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week, and I’m very disappointed with you all.”

10. Hey, thanks for defining the word “many” for me. It means a lot.

11. I’ll never forget where I was the day I figured out how to read maps.

12. Kanye West is opening a breakfast restaurant. Its name: Omelette You Finish.

13. Why are they called “territorial disputes” and not “ground beef”?

14. What idiot named them “jet skis” instead of “boatercycles”?

15. John Wilkes Photo Booth takes amazing headshots.

16. I sneezed, and someone responded by giving me a pair of those glasses with the fake nose and mustache attached. It was a blessing in disguise.

17. And the award for best neckwear goes to... Well, would you look at that—it’s a tie.

18. What idiot called it “car repair” instead of “autocorrect”?

19. “I piy the fool!” —Missed a “T”

20. What idiot called it a “vet” instead of “dogtor”?


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